I have always been a huge Bon Jovi fan probably for a couple of reasons. He has wrote music over the last 3 decades that has always spoke to me, and well ladies am sure I don't need to spell out the other reason! At the end of this blog I have one of his songs that has been an anthem song for me as a teenager, and it really motivates me still today as I conquer cancer.
None of us know what is around the next corner. You can live like you will have 101 years on this planet, like my wonderful Grandma Pugh who passed away 7 years ago at 101. We don't know, the only thing that is for certain is this moment, this day, and how we choose to live in this moment, this day. You can wake up saying I am going to have a great day, and I choose a positive attitude to get through this day, and I will work hard to find the joy in every day. This is a conscience decision, my dad is fabulous at doing this day in and day out. He is one of the very few people I have ever known who does not complain about much. He is full of optimism and positive thinking and has a brilliant perspective on life that I so admire, and have so learned from over the years.
My dad has been a great teacher, showing me it isn't what happens to you in life that you should get hung up on, it is how well you DEAL with what happens to you. If you don't have great coping skills, the more time you spend in learning tools that help you deal with stress the better prepared you are in coping with what comes your way. Life's experiences teach you even faster. I was talking to my girlfiend Lisa last week, and we were talking about why some people are dealt so much, as she has dealt with many losses in her life. The old saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger...we were laughing ok GOD we feel we can't get any stronger, maybe not stronger, but always wiser..always a lesson and reason we go through what we do, we just have to figure it out, deal with it learn the lesson, and move forward!
I had my third round of chemo yesterday its now become a two day process at the Cross, and 46 hours at home that follows. I have a port that has been surgically implanted in my chest in November, that feeds me the chemo, but have a blood clot on it so we have added a procedure on Tuesdays that follows my bloodwork.
The blood work lets us know that I don't have any infections, and that my platelets are high enough over 100...to indicate that it is ok to proceed with chemo the next day. This week my platelets were 240! Yay! They have been at the 100 mark so this is a good week! I then go to the daycare to get a 1 inch needle poked in my port, which is what feeds me the chemo. The nurses can't see it, and it is a relatively new procedure for them as there were only 55 ports implanted in 2011. So in saying that it usually takes them two tries to get it positioned poperly. The nurses then check for blood return to ensure the port and the line is open to receive the medication. We have not had blood return the last few times, due to the blood clot sitting on the line, so they put in a drug TPA that is a clot buster just for my port line. The nurses then try again for blood return, which we have been successful the last two times after it flows through you for an hour, and wulla I am good to go for chemo the next day!
The blood work lets us know that I don't have any infections, and that my platelets are high enough over 100...to indicate that it is ok to proceed with chemo the next day. This week my platelets were 240! Yay! They have been at the 100 mark so this is a good week! I then go to the daycare to get a 1 inch needle poked in my port, which is what feeds me the chemo. The nurses can't see it, and it is a relatively new procedure for them as there were only 55 ports implanted in 2011. So in saying that it usually takes them two tries to get it positioned poperly. The nurses then check for blood return to ensure the port and the line is open to receive the medication. We have not had blood return the last few times, due to the blood clot sitting on the line, so they put in a drug TPA that is a clot buster just for my port line. The nurses then try again for blood return, which we have been successful the last two times after it flows through you for an hour, and wulla I am good to go for chemo the next day!
Third round of new chemo drugs doing ok...the side effects really need to be managed, which is a new descipline for someone like me, who likes to go with the flow but is reminded at every turn that if you do not follow a procedure and avoid anything that is cold to the touch the everything will go numb and throb, and you lose feeling in fingers, toes, throat, nose. Not too much fun a little crippling at times but I will work through it.
After I started this blog this morning, Jason and I went to work out, I have a little gym in the basement of my condo.It is about 5 degrees cooler downstairs, and within a short time my fingers and toes were tingling and numb, and 2 minutes into the elliptical, my nose and throat started to constrict and I had to go upstairs, trying to get my breathing back to normal. Its like an attack...Jason ran up feeling helpless grabbing me a scarf and turning the fireplace on trying to warm things up...we both got emotional as it is scary, even though a big part of it is getting my mind in control over what is happening, it still freaks you out, and frustrates you...I can't even cry the first 6 days of chemo, as something in my tear ducts hurts when tears flow..lol so I suck them back in and get contol of the situation..and we carry on!
I finished working out upstairs, and Jason finished working out in the basement. It is not what happens to you! Its how you deal with it...right!! Trust me I have to remind myself of this often. We have to readjust and push through even as tough as it is at times. Life can be a struggle for sure...but there are so many oppotunities in a day to have great moments, to connect deeply with those we love. Focus on gratitude and blessings, that is what is helping me through my journey.
The kids were in last night, our relationship keeps getting better and better, I am soooooo grateful. They have had many challenges, and we are working through them together. Jason has been cooking and juicing veggie/fruit drinks..to keep me on the healthy track...doing laundry, taking me to my appointments. I have much to be thankful for. All of you who send messages in and support and read my blog...Thank you!! Your messages and encouragement give me such strength. My family is amazing and my girlfiends are wonderful...
Life is good!!
Listen to this song by Bon Jovi...
It's your Life...
Have a great day! :)
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