I Get knocked Down but I get Up Again....

Tough day Tuesday- I was knocked down had a lttle bit of a pity party after my doctor's appointment, feeling sorry for myself and wondering how much one can take physically, mentally and emotionally, apparently I can take alot!! Stuggling more of late on the mental and emotional, side as physically except for the nausea and the breathing which is getting better, many days  I feel pretty good...I have decided to take a break from Chemo for a week to make decisions on the best path to take.

My appointment confirmed my liver tumours are growing and what looked liked a few tumors on my  lungs are shrinking which is positive.  Chemo treatments apparently can be effective for some tumors and not others....my liver functions are all great, just not responding to the treatment..the blood clots are more of an immediate concern, I have many in my lungs and we do not want them to break off or it could be serious. I am not able to drive until we get them under control...my breathing is better, so am feeling confident we are on a better track...

We are looking into a second opinion just to reassure myself that I have had everything possible presented to me for options, and that Edmonton Cross Cancer hasn't missed anything. If I stick with Cross Cancer in Edmonton I will likely be going on a new chemo cocktail with new side affects...never gets boring!  Side affects kind of freak you out but not everyone gets them, so have to hope you are in that group who never gets them...or they are minimal...if I do get the side affects I  may experience a loss of balance, loss of feeling in fingers and toes....5 days you cant go outside in really cold weather, that would really break my heart on a day like today ...but I think I could get past it...occasional drool would run down your mouth onto your chin and chest, just kidding on that last part...any ways will see what the other options show...In the mean time reading alot of positive, looking at some natural alternatives and back on my herbal medicine..that has been almost as devastating as finding out I had cancer, learning I can't drive...I have been known to get a lot of speeding tickets in the past so my partner said they had to figure out someway to keep you off the roads...very funny...:)

So I went home feeling overwelmed and with everything after it sits with me for a while and I process, I have a reaction one way or another, a little sad last night. Greatful that I get to explore other options, my family is so generous they have provided every possible option for us to explore ...many don't get this opportunity to look at anything else as it can be very costly and I am very  thankful.Thank you.

My condition reminds me daily that you really need to take the joy from every single day, I really do not know what tomorrow will bring, I know that I am here today and had a great day.  I enjoyed time with my boys last night my kids have the best sense of humour, how they make me laugh and fill my heart with joy, and how I feel so much love for all of my children. I enjoyed every moment we spent last night and tonight with my daughter, she is so wise, and deals with so much, I am so proud of how she handles what has been thrown her way.She is amazing and she has so much courage and strength and been such an amazing support for me.  My brother so kind, helping me drive the kids and spending the time bonding with his nephews and niece, such a wonderful gift.

I am so appreciative of the support of my wonderful partner, he has helped me through many dark moments throughout the past months, and been such a great friend, confidante and a shoulder to cry on, and someone to laugh with.  He has cheered me on and been my greatest fan, has stayed by my side, he has made me feel beautiful at a time when I feel insecure and anything but beautiful some days, he has always had my back, never judges me, always makes time for me, takes such great care of me when he is here, when he is not he constantly checks in on me... and loves me through my roughest days.

Thank you....

I am blessed.