Dealing with the Blues

I have good days and sad days...am really trying to find the joy in every day, because I know its there, and I am positive by nature which has been extremely helpful to me through my lifetime.  I get sad when I think about not possibly being there for my kids, taking in a special event, feeling their sadness in their mom missing out on there big moments, I have a real urgency now to record, write and get as much in as I can for them.  I am hopeful, and am praying for the greatest outcome, also have always been a realist and feel a little overwhelmed knowing I have at least 10 tumours on my liver that we need to blast away...I want to squeeze every thing I can out of life with my partner with my friends with my family...time have come to dread that word a little bit over the past little while .Chemo seems to be responding slow...may be looking at new options.  Your perspective gets in balance really quickly which I so appreciate through this process, someone said to me at my sons hockey game the other day, that she was really dreading turning 50... I said don't fear it embrace it the alternative is not seeing 50 its just a number that will bring you that many more wonderful experiences...I get it and people feel bad for thinking it, until you have something happen this close to home, you try to live each moment like its your last, but lets face it, that is not always possible, more possible when you are given an illness with maybe an incurable outcome, but a challenge at times to always live in the moment...a good challenge to work towards....