Hello all hope your summer has been a great one. We have had a great July! Will fill you in later! I have to vent in this blog so bear with me.
Why is it that when your too optimistic, too positive, glass half full versus empty, there are some people who are threatened by these qualities, or so miserable and bitter that they choose to try and bring you down because they can not get out of there narrow minded ways.
Unfortunate to say I have had some blog viewers, albeit less than 1 percent, actually imply that I am faking the seriousness of my terminal illness, because I choose to handle what has been dealt with me in a positive way. WOW the same viewers who feel that this blog exploits my children, are now quoting positive information that I post about baby steps of success and saying that I am not as sick as I have indicated, because I am traveling and living life and trying to find the joy in every day. I would ignore and not address, as I know better than to not waste my time and energy on, however it is important to me that my children understand and are not affected by this small mindedness.
Let me set the record straight for those few that may be confused with how I have chose to deal with my illness. First of all this blog is a legacy that will be left to my children. I am one of their biggest role models, and I want them to know that bad things happen to you in life and you actually have a choice on how you decide to deal with it. You can get caught up in the doom and gloom of your situation or you can deal with the negative as best as you can and build on the positive, as it is building on the positive that will get you to a brighter place.
I could choose to write about the pain and discomfort I go through with chemo treatments, bleeding from my colon on a daily basis, the unbearable nausea waves that go through you, the nerve damage in my hands and feet and how it feels like arthritis running through my hands and feet, going numb at times, the pains in your chest from blood clots and there residual scarring, the news that the cancer is in my bones, and the helplessness that I sometimes feel and the deep pain that I feel, knowing that I will likely eventually lose my battle to cancer as many have before me, as the odds are not in my favour and that the thought of not being here for my children is what hurts the most, what causes the most unbearable pain.
That is the realilty of my terminal illness. I am not in denial, I understand, Jason and I battle it daily, my family and Jason's family and closest friends understand, my children understand, and we feel the pain, as it is very sad at times, and we shed many tears together and privately, and sometimes the pain of what we are going through is unbearable. Those who chose to judge me or quote lines from my blog, indicating I some how am exaggerating the serious of my illness, shame on you but God Bless you for being true to whom you are despite your uninformed and misguided attempts at bringing me down. Until you have walked a mile in my shoes I would even say just one day you have no idea or understanding. If you are looking for information on my blog or want to use what I write against me, then I suggest my blog is not for you. I write to inspire, to inform and just to share as it is therapeutic for me and others who support my journey. I can celebrate anything positive as that is what I must do to get through each day.
I can not stay in a place that is doom and gloom, I learned that from my Dad years ago and is a big part of my personality. Choosing not to complain, I will tell you I am doing great and many days I am, I will not get caught up in talking about my ailments, I save that for Jason! I do have times that I feel sorry for myself. I do not like talking about it over and over, it is what it is. This is what I have been dealt, yep it sucks, onward and upward!
We will remain positive and optimistic, and fight the best fight we know how to as that is who I am, and all of those who I love and adore that is who they are and they keep me strong through this battle I have been given to fight. I am so blessed and have much life to live, and I will do so and not feel guilty about living life to the fullest the best that I can given this battle, I am going to even ramp it up a notch so watch out!
It was my birthday yesterday 46! I would in the past dread seeing my age creep closer to 50. Today I embrace it and am so grateful for another Birthday and I must say that 50 looks pretty darn enticing....YOLO you only live once better do it right!
I received a lot of beautiful gifts yesterday, the most special was the time with my children, Jason and family.
I received the most beautiful poem from my daughter, its inspirational, she inspires me and has a true gift. I want to share it with all of you...
Why is it that when your too optimistic, too positive, glass half full versus empty, there are some people who are threatened by these qualities, or so miserable and bitter that they choose to try and bring you down because they can not get out of there narrow minded ways.
Unfortunate to say I have had some blog viewers, albeit less than 1 percent, actually imply that I am faking the seriousness of my terminal illness, because I choose to handle what has been dealt with me in a positive way. WOW the same viewers who feel that this blog exploits my children, are now quoting positive information that I post about baby steps of success and saying that I am not as sick as I have indicated, because I am traveling and living life and trying to find the joy in every day. I would ignore and not address, as I know better than to not waste my time and energy on, however it is important to me that my children understand and are not affected by this small mindedness.
Let me set the record straight for those few that may be confused with how I have chose to deal with my illness. First of all this blog is a legacy that will be left to my children. I am one of their biggest role models, and I want them to know that bad things happen to you in life and you actually have a choice on how you decide to deal with it. You can get caught up in the doom and gloom of your situation or you can deal with the negative as best as you can and build on the positive, as it is building on the positive that will get you to a brighter place.
I could choose to write about the pain and discomfort I go through with chemo treatments, bleeding from my colon on a daily basis, the unbearable nausea waves that go through you, the nerve damage in my hands and feet and how it feels like arthritis running through my hands and feet, going numb at times, the pains in your chest from blood clots and there residual scarring, the news that the cancer is in my bones, and the helplessness that I sometimes feel and the deep pain that I feel, knowing that I will likely eventually lose my battle to cancer as many have before me, as the odds are not in my favour and that the thought of not being here for my children is what hurts the most, what causes the most unbearable pain.
That is the realilty of my terminal illness. I am not in denial, I understand, Jason and I battle it daily, my family and Jason's family and closest friends understand, my children understand, and we feel the pain, as it is very sad at times, and we shed many tears together and privately, and sometimes the pain of what we are going through is unbearable. Those who chose to judge me or quote lines from my blog, indicating I some how am exaggerating the serious of my illness, shame on you but God Bless you for being true to whom you are despite your uninformed and misguided attempts at bringing me down. Until you have walked a mile in my shoes I would even say just one day you have no idea or understanding. If you are looking for information on my blog or want to use what I write against me, then I suggest my blog is not for you. I write to inspire, to inform and just to share as it is therapeutic for me and others who support my journey. I can celebrate anything positive as that is what I must do to get through each day.
I can not stay in a place that is doom and gloom, I learned that from my Dad years ago and is a big part of my personality. Choosing not to complain, I will tell you I am doing great and many days I am, I will not get caught up in talking about my ailments, I save that for Jason! I do have times that I feel sorry for myself. I do not like talking about it over and over, it is what it is. This is what I have been dealt, yep it sucks, onward and upward!
We will remain positive and optimistic, and fight the best fight we know how to as that is who I am, and all of those who I love and adore that is who they are and they keep me strong through this battle I have been given to fight. I am so blessed and have much life to live, and I will do so and not feel guilty about living life to the fullest the best that I can given this battle, I am going to even ramp it up a notch so watch out!
It was my birthday yesterday 46! I would in the past dread seeing my age creep closer to 50. Today I embrace it and am so grateful for another Birthday and I must say that 50 looks pretty darn enticing....YOLO you only live once better do it right!
I received a lot of beautiful gifts yesterday, the most special was the time with my children, Jason and family.
I received the most beautiful poem from my daughter, its inspirational, she inspires me and has a true gift. I want to share it with all of you...
You are the bravest
person I know
Behind that smile are
tears your afraid to show
With everyday you
give your best
Wondering why god has
chosen you to test
Life means so much
more when you’re fighting for it
You have so many
reasons to battle so please don’t quit
The love I have for
you could never be defined
No daughter will ever
experience the gift of a mother like mine
The strength you have
inspires me
You have all the
qualities in a woman I someday hope to be
Our bond has grown
through the years
Between the laughter
and the shedding of tears
I love you mom and
stay strong
Believe in yourself
and you can never go wrong
I love you Mom! Happy
Birthday
