Beautiful Stacy Anne Mckillican

Our Sweet Stacy lost her battle with cancer yesterday December 2, 2012.  She has left us all with a part of her in this blog not just about whom she was but also about how to live life when faced with great adversity.  Her mantra of never give up, never lose hope, never stop fighting and to stay positive has inspired us all.  Stacy had a wonderful way of making all of us around her feel special.  Stacy got great comfort in writing the blog posts sharing through this blog her journey over the past year and how their have been many ups and downs.  A Stacy would say many more ups than downs as that is her perspective on life.  All of you that have followed her blog most likely have been even further drawn into the Person, Woman,  Mother,  Daughter, Friend and Partner that Stacy was.  Stacy has taught us that there is no certainty what tomorrow will bring.

Stacy has four wonderful children that were her greatest achievement in this life.  She has expressed to me how blessed she has been to be their mom and that they will always,  always be a part of her for eternity and she loves them more than words can express.  She felt blessed to be a mom not just once but four times. Stacy felt blessed to be a mom and for these four beautiful children. Justin (Jay) her oldest has such a beautiful spirit and heart and is cool, calm and collected and has the ability to roll with the punches and this will take him fare in life.  Jay your mom thought the world of you and loves you unconditionally.  Rayanne her second oldest who is so beautiful inside and out, with such an intuitive, kind and inquisitive spirit.  Rayanne you will always, always be a part of you mom.  Stacy would say remember life in not about what you do it is about being successful in whom you are and remember to be good to yourselves and the rest will fall into place.   Her twin boys Joey and Tanner.  Joey with the little twinkle in your eye you have always brought your mom Joy and have a beautiful spirit and your mom is so proud of you.  Tanner your mom is so proud of you,  she is so thankful you were able to let down your walls as scary as that was it meant so much to your Mom. You were always quick to help your mom and always seamed to really know what she needed and she was so proud of this and how she was able to have you all back and close to her.  Stacy wanted you all to remember that she is always going to be a part of you, loving you, holding you and cherishing you forever and ever.  When you look up into the Sky and see that brightest Star this is your mom looking back on you.  She will be with you through your life and wanted you to know how special and wonderful it is to be your mom

All of us that got to experience Stacy have been blessed by her, there was never a stranger in Stacy's life as she could talk to anyone and always made others feel comfortable.  Stacy treated everyone with kindness and dignity.

This blog as the title says was not so much about her life as about her "Journey Through Cancer" and in this journey she has taught me so much about life.  Stacy wanted everyone to know how much the support she received through this blog has meant to her and how thankful and blessed she felt to have been able to be touched by and to have touched so many.  Stacy was at peace with her life and had left nothing unsaid, had left no loose ends and once again such an example to us all.  Stacy has a wonderful Family and is survived by Lynn and Gary her parents, Chris her brother, Her four beautiful children Jay, Rayanne, Tanner and Joey and Many, many close friends.  I as her partner Jason have been blessed to have been at her side through her Journey Through Cancer and am in Awe of the Beautiful, Courageous, Strong and Inspiring woman that is Stacy Anne Mckillican.

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.     
Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Stacy went where there was not a path and has left a trail for us all to follow!

We all will have Stacy with us each and everyday.

Guest Post By Jason Dahl

YOU ARE THE BEST

To my fellow supporters, how I have missed you all!  I have not been able to reach out to you like I have wanted and needed to, and it is time to get back to this fight, as it never stops unless you do, and I do not plan to quit anytime soon!

I apologize for putting that wall up when you all are such an incredible source of strength for me.  I need to remember to always draw in the power that you have given to me just knowing you are reading my blog, sharing your own stories, or e mailing your kind words of encouragement, offering your time, and offering your help.  You are a great support group, and I am so very blessed to know you.... thank you!

Most of you have heard the past couple of months have not been the best months we have been dealt. We are getting through breaking my pelvis which is a 3-5 month process, and we  found out this month the chemo treatment I have been taking is no longer working and the tumors are growing and showing up in new places, along with the bloodclots, they are back and now multiplying.  We were all physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally beat up.

That was then....this is now.  I have been accepted to try out a new drug on a clinical trial which is being done in Vancouver B.C. and it starts next week!  I have nothing to tell you yet, other than it is in phase I trials which all new drugs start at before they are approved. 

 It has been tested on lab rats and bunny rabbits, which had cancer and I am going to believe now after taking this powerful effective drug, that they have never observed happier animals than these furry guys and gals hopping around and laying around at the resort with their umbrella drinks, passing the ball back and forth wondering how they came to feel and look so absolutely amazing!

Will keep you posted we are in a Bed and Breakfast for the month of November.  Two blocks from BC Cancer Center  and kids will fly down for visits as soon as we learn more.  We just know the only month they need to see me every day is the month of November.

Feels great to be back in touch.........

All my Best to you......

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others' hearts. You'll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you'll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone's hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back."

Summertime Fun!

Good day all, having trouble sleeping tonight so will keep on blogging....

Here is some great memories shared with the kids, family and friends the last couple of weeks.....

 Boys at the BMX Track

Jason's pro backward summersault!

 Gary and Jason playing it cool!

 Tanner goofin around with his magnetic earring!

 Best Buds Forever we just get better with age Damn Lisa Girl you look good!

 Mama and her babies--hair is coming back slowly....

G- entertaining the FAM

 Nana patiently waiting what could have been the longest game of pool played Ever!

 Treasured Friends Darlene and Joe visiting from Florida

Takin in the car show with the boys!

 Oh Ya I got this Mom!

Jay Man! Growing up so fast! You are so special.... Mama celebratin her 46th B-day...

 Mom & Tan

 T- Man How I adore you

Joe Cool oh so cool my boy I love you!

!

 Fearless Joe!

 T- Faces his fears and jumps from High Diving Board! Way to go Tan :)

 Tanner's Pro Dive!

Joey's Pro Dive!

 Tanner following his tube down the waterslide think you are supposed to be in it T- Man

My Brother T... this is how it is done...watch an learn lol....

Miss Ray chillaxing!


Don't forget your camera capture those memories...

Sleep well all...

Later

Colin Cancer Awareness 101

Hello all,

What great weather we have been blessed with this week!!

Wanted to share some information with you all, that hopefully will help prevent you or your loved ones from ever getting Colorectal Cancer.  First to know it is the second leading Cancer in women and men and the numbers are on the rise.  90% curable if caught soon enough, here is what you need to know.  If anyone has a history of polyps in your family either cancerous or non-cancerous you need to get checked out now!!!! Everyone else by 50! That or any blood in your stools, do not second guess... get it checked out... Ask your doctor for a colonoscopy and do not take no for answer.

Colorectal cancer is a disease in which cancer cells grow in either the colon or the rectum. The colon and rectum are parts of the body’s digestive system that remove nutrients from food and store waste until it passes out of the body. Additionally, the colon and primarily the rectum absorb water from ingested materials. Normally, the cells in the colon and rectum divide in a regulated manner. If cells keep dividing when new cells are not needed, a mass of tissue called a tumor forms. A tumor can be benign or malignant.

Colon Cancer

A benign tumor is not cancer. It does not spread to other parts of the body. Colon polyps are most often (but not always) benign tumors. By contrast, a malignant tumor is cancer. Cancer cells divide and damage tissue around them. They can enter the bloodstream and spread to other parts of the body. Some colon polyps develop cancer in them, but some colon cancers appear to arise from the lining of the colon without a precursor polyp. Benign colon tumors are usually colon polyps. Colon cancer can originate in colon polyps or can rise without the presence of a polyp in the colon.

Colon cancer is the second leading cause of cancer-related death in men and women and an estimated Colorectal cancer is one of the most treatable forms of cancer if you seek treatment early, and the rate of success is high, especially when the cancer is treated early.

Ask about your family history, if one of your parents or grandparents had a history of polyps at age 40 for example,you should get checked out in your 30's and the next generation or your children need to get checked out in their 20's.  If the age is later deduct 10 years per generation.

Enough preaching no if and's or BUTTS get it checked out please!

Update on my situation, I am changing oncologist what have I said in the past you have to be YOUR OWN ADVOCATE...the oncologist and team I was dealing with have dropped the ball, three critical times, a fourth situation occured this week....when asked if I had lost confidence in the team I replied, yes and they said they understood if I needed to change oncologists...

The oncologist didnt have the courage to deliver the news of their latest mistake direct to me she did it through her nurse, her nurse indicated that the oncologist is a scientist, so bed side manner is not necessarily her specialty....huh?? I am not a lab rat, nor or all the thousands, millions fighting this very challenging illness, come on health care professionals get it together!

We are better educated through the process back on track with regular chemo as tough as it can be it is what will buy time and help shrink the tumours.... more joy and wonderful memories!

A shout out to a friend my age fighting cancer from Onoway.  She requires a bone marrow transplant. A fundraiser is being held for Shelly Veltman on September 16.  Shelly needs to spend four months in Calgary, along with her family & support team.The expense is enormous, and any money raised will allow the family some peace as they have had to go through so many changes and challenges in a very short time, so Shelley can fight for her life.

The dinner, band and auction is Saturday September 15 at the Redline Diner in Spruce Grove.    For more information contact:

Ken Munro
shellysfightforlife@hotmail.com
phone Ken: 780-962-4646 or Nicole 780-968-3848

Shelly my thoughts, support and prayers are with you....strength, positive thinking, and courage girl, and you have the fight in you, stay strong!! You can do it!

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.

-Khalil Gibran


I am convinced that attitude is the key to success or failure in almost any of life’s endeavors. Your attitude-your perspective, your outlook, how you feel about yourself, how you feel about other people-determines your priorities, your actions, your values. Your attitude determines how you interact with other people and how you interact with yourself.

-Carolyn Warner 



Peace Out.... :)

Go BIG Go to Texas!!!!

11 Days in Texas.., what a great BIG state.  How wonderful I had the pleasure to travel with Jason, and two beautiful, oh so witty, wonderful teenagers! Ray my numero uno girl and her best friend Jen, who I could adopt at any time!  We had so many great laughs and we were really sad to see the trip come to an end, and so very grateful for the memories that will last a lifetime.

All of Jason's family is in Texas and what a special family he has...They all welcomed myself and the girls with open arms and big hugs, so accepting, it was very wonderful.  I had met Jason's Dad before, but it was the first time meeting his two brothers and their families, and his Mom, Step Dad and Grandma, Lynn and Jim.... A lovely, loving family.  We all  were able to get some great visiting in, and some wonderful Texas meals!  

We enjoyed the lake near his Mom's and were also able to get together with his brothers and families and do a  tube ride down the New Braunfels River. The weather was HOT and the water felt wonderful, a good time was had by all...

We were also able to meet up with my dad for a couple of days as well. Mom and Dad have a cute place in Austin by the College,  where we stayed and Dad toured us around the great city of Austin the next day.  We appreciated the time together and so happy that every bodies time lined up!

We headed to San Antonio, where Jason's Dad lives, first making a pit stop to the huge outlet Mall that the girls were quite anxious to get their shopping on!! Hooked up with J's Dad for a few days taking in Six Flags-(roller coaster park)or part of it, we have to do a do-over, as we were shut down due to an electrical storm!! Girls were understandably a bit bummed out! The girls headed back after 8 days and Jason and I spent 3 days on our own which we enjoyed.

We checked out the beautiful Riverwalk, had some good Mexican great Brazillian food, it was so much fun.  Had the pleasure of meeting Jason's Dads friends who are such a wonderful group of people who care deeply for his dad it was really nice to see.

So all told it was a fantastic trip!! Only downfall in getting back as we miss everyone and wish we all didn't live so far apart!

Here are some pics from our trip....

                                               First Day at Lake 98 Degree day! Jen and Ray!

                                                    Saying Good Bye to Texas :(

                                   100 degree day on Pontoon Boat-Had the lake to ourselves!

                                   Jason and his Pops in front of PJ's storefront in San Antonio

                                                            Jason and his Bros

                                                                Jason's family!

                                             Jason and me on my Dad's porch in Austin

                                                  On the Riverwalk in San Antonio

                                                Jason and the girls in front of the Alamo

PJ at Six Flags San Antonio

                                                      Me Dad and Ray-Austin

                                           Hanging out with Dad on sixth Street in Austin

                                          Real Texas Gates heading to Lynn's place for a visit!

YOLO

Hello all hope your summer has been a great one. We have had a great July! Will fill you in later!  I have to vent in this blog so bear with me.


Why is it that when your too optimistic, too positive, glass half full versus empty, there are some people who are threatened by these qualities, or so miserable and bitter that they choose to try and bring you down because they can not get out of there narrow minded ways.


Unfortunate to say I have had some blog viewers, albeit less than 1 percent, actually imply that I am faking the seriousness of my terminal illness, because I choose to handle what has been dealt with me in a positive way.  WOW the same viewers who feel that this blog exploits my children, are now quoting positive information that I post about baby steps of success and saying that I am not as sick as I have indicated, because I am traveling and living life and trying to find the joy in every day. I would ignore and not address, as I know better than to not waste my time and energy on, however it is important to me that my children understand and are not affected by this small mindedness.


Let me set the record straight for those few that may be confused with how I have chose to deal with my illness.  First of all this blog is a legacy that will be left to my children.  I am one of their biggest role models, and I want them to know that bad things happen to you in life and you actually have a choice on how you decide to deal with it.  You can get caught up in the doom and gloom of your situation or you can deal with the negative as best as you can and build on the positive, as it is building on the positive that will get you to a brighter place.


I could choose to write about the pain and discomfort I go through with chemo treatments, bleeding from my colon on a daily basis, the unbearable nausea waves that go through you, the nerve damage in my hands and feet and how it feels like arthritis running through my hands and feet,  going numb at times, the pains in your chest from blood clots and there residual scarring, the news that the cancer is in my bones, and the helplessness that I sometimes feel and the deep pain that I feel, knowing that I will likely eventually lose my battle to cancer as many have before me, as the odds are not in my favour and that the thought of not being here for my children is what hurts the most, what causes the most unbearable pain.


That is the realilty of my terminal illness.  I am not in denial, I understand, Jason and I battle it daily, my family and Jason's family and closest friends understand, my children understand, and we feel the pain, as it is very sad at times, and we shed many tears together and privately, and sometimes the pain of what we are going through is unbearable. Those who chose to judge me or quote lines from my blog, indicating I some how am exaggerating the serious of my illness, shame on you but God Bless you for being true to whom you are despite your uninformed and misguided attempts at bringing me down.  Until you have walked a mile in my shoes I would even say just one day you have no idea or understanding.  If you are looking for information on my blog or want to use what I write against me, then I suggest my blog is not for you. I write to inspire, to inform and just to share as it is therapeutic for me and others who support my journey.  I can celebrate anything positive as that is what I must do to get through each day.


I can not stay in a place that is doom and gloom, I learned that from my Dad years ago and is a big part of my personality.  Choosing not to complain, I will tell you I am doing great and many days I am, I will not get caught up in talking about my ailments, I save that for Jason!  I do have times that I feel sorry for myself. I do not like talking about it over and over, it is what it is.  This is what I have been dealt, yep it sucks, onward and upward!


We will remain positive and optimistic, and fight the best fight we know how to as that is who I am, and all of those who I love and adore that is who they are and they keep me strong through this battle I have been given to fight.  I am so blessed and have much life to live, and I will do so and not feel guilty about living life to the fullest the best that I can given this battle, I am going to even ramp it up a notch so watch out!


It was my birthday yesterday 46! I would in the past dread seeing my age creep closer to 50.  Today I embrace it and am so grateful for another Birthday and I must say that 50 looks pretty darn enticing....YOLO you only live once better do it right!


I received a lot of beautiful gifts yesterday, the most special was the time with my children, Jason and family.


I received the most beautiful poem from my daughter, its inspirational, she inspires me and has a true gift. I want to share it with all of you...

You are the bravest person I know

Behind that smile are tears your afraid to show

With everyday you give your best

Wondering why god has chosen you to test

Life means so much more when you’re fighting for it

You have so many reasons to battle so please don’t quit

The love I have for you could never be defined

No daughter will ever experience the gift of a mother like mine

The strength you have inspires me

You have all the qualities in a woman I someday hope to be

Our bond has grown through the years

Between the laughter and the shedding of tears

I love you mom and stay strong

Believe in yourself and you can never go wrong

I love you Mom! Happy Birthday

Embrace your Life! Graduation 2012!

Good morning everyone hope your day is a good one, and that your stresses are minimal!!!


Jay and his fellow classmates graduated on Friday, and what a wonderful day it was! Filled with joy, inspiration and emotion. My family looked wonderful the boys were dressed in suits and as warm as it was at times they kept their jackets on most of the night, even with everyone encouraging them to take them off!  They were proud of their suits Tanner even managed to keep his white dress shirt spotless. lol.


Jay looked amazing so handsome, grown up, I was a proud mama! Jays' Nana and Papa and Uncle Chris and honorary Auntie Lisa were also there supporting Jay and also Granny was there for Jay and his Cousin Bailey on this very special night!


I was gifted the opportunity to do the toast/speech to the graduates, it was such a great honour and although I  slightly embarrased Jay, and turned it into a speech, lol,  he let it go and was proud of me for delivering a decent toast!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EU-zks4FRlI (Tattoos on this Town)




Here is the poem included in the speech for Jay and grads to reflect on through the years!


Embrace your future

Congratulations graduates we are here to honor and celebrate your success!
12 years of school completed, a foundation to build from, you are now preparing to leave the nest
Your Family, friends  and  teachers, we are all so very proud of you tonight...
Your commitment, and dedication,  the great journey that awaits you while you continue to search for your passion and light!
Graduates Believe in yourselves lift that bar high and follow your dreams,
Listen to your inner voice, drown out others, be courageous, and dare to be extreme
Live life with great purpose, some mistakes will be made do NOT be afraid to fail or fall
Live life without regrets, reach for greatness, and above all
Learn and remember the lessons, for there are many, and live in the moment as you all find your way
Life is too short to live little, have faith, stay strong, love deeply, be happy and celebrate your life everyday!


-Stacy McKillican

Peace Out!